I´ve decided to start writing again..

>As I turned on my computer I saw a folder on the desktop named "save the crust for me" and I realised that I haven´t written for a while. The name "save the crust for me" also brought back some good old memories. It came about when I was in Beograd with some dear friends and was the result of me not eating cheese or meat when ordering Pizza so I ate the crust. Well it wasn´t like I got struck by lightning and thought "wow that´s going to be the name of my blog, it was more like something that I feel describes me quite well actually. 

I have decided to write about personal stuff now, I have decided to be honest. As I realised that I had plenty of posts in my folder which I haven´t posted because they were about me, and people around me, not that I am going to post old notes, but from now on I am going to write for myself and if anyone is interested it´s not my problem. 

Gahh, I should really not start this now as I have three exams this week. But I just feel like writing I have so much on my mind and little time to ventilate. I seriously have so much in my head. The last few days I have taken long walks in the morning and not even a calm Sunday morning at 7 am I can get peace in my mind. I love my walks in the morings; as the morning fog is slowly lifting from the green fields, and the birds starts to sing I am strolling down the road trying to put all stress aside and just the moment. I often fail and the calm is replaced by voices running trough my head. Voices telling me that I should have stayed up another few hours last night to finish that lab report  instead of thinking that everything will be alright and go to bed at a reasonable hour. That is my problem now days. I have a hard time pushing myself to stay up long nights before a test to understand that last thing or to accept that I might not always get those hole 7hrs of sleep every night. Before I go to bed I tell myself that a good nights sleep will solve it all and tomorrow I will be fresh and able to start with a fresh mind. But as I take my walk in the morning a voice inside my head tells me that it was wrong to do so,-why do I need so much sleep, why didnt I bite the sour apple and finish that chapter about morphology, why didn´t I write that email, why didnt I book that ticket, why didn´t I finish that essay??? Why did I decide to go to bed? I am lazy and no good. 

and I come back from what could have been a nice walk, it is often, nevertheless, refreshing for my body to walk in the morings but at this time in my life it does no good for my head!

I need someone to kick my ass, to make me suffer and realize that with the road I´ve got swept in front of me I should do better! mediocre is not good enough, in fact it´s no good at all. No excuses. I should deliver better results. Never have I acted more blasé without the right to do so. I look at the picture of "my" SOS kid in Romania and I am ashamed. In the letter I got describing him it says that he enjoys school, especially math, and that he hopes to be able to finish not only 5th grad that he is in but also upper secondary school. I pay of my guilt. I feel guilty. I am guilty. But only I can do anything about it. 

And I will.

And about the picture, I call it pussyface. It´s art no? Ha.Ha.